A week on my own

Well, the missus is away for a week. And that leaves me alone with a houseful of guitars, cats and insecurities. At some point, I figure, she'll wake up and realize what a schlub she married. Till then...

Of course, being in between gigs isn't helping at all. I've known since I was about 16 that my whole sense of self-worth is predicated on my last gig. Now, my last gig was pretty good. ("Stella" the first night at Virgil's was about the best thing I've ever played). But it was so long ago now, that I've lost whatever I had gained from it. If I'm not gigging, I'm just a schlub. If I'm gigging and playing well, then at least I'm a schlub who plays guitar.

GC in Australia is a good thing for the RivProj, I'm sure. But it was at a moment in time when we were hitting our stride, gig-wise. So, it feels like we've lost a little head of steam. Hopefully when he gets back we'll pick up where we left off.

As for the insecurities - where to begin? The last few weeks I've been a mess. A bundle of self-doubt bordering on self-loathing. And fun to be around!! A gig would probably snap me out of it. I've been keeping busy with side projects, but not having that finish line in front of me, a gig to prepare for and hit hard, I just feel like I'm floundering. This then spills over into everything I think and feel about myself.

Damn, this is the most diary-entry-ish thing I've ever written here. Time to stop. As Seinfeld would say - "good luck with all THAT!".

Update - (the next day) had a good rehearsal last night, restored some small sense of self-worth. Amazing what a good throw-down will do for the soul.